Tuesday, June 16, 2009

and here we go again with all the things i said and did.

today is me mum's birthday.
she is 47 and i have no idea what i am going to do for her.
i am broke so i can't afford "the finer things in life" and i can not cook worth shit.
i was thinking about maybe drawing her a picture but i am not exactly sure what to draw for her.
i will think about it.
i got all day afterall.
my friend curtis has been having some issues lately.
he asked to come over last night to talk about it.
it's funny but i am the one out of all my friends that everyone comes to with their problems.
they say i listen really well and give great advice.
as great a compliment as that is, i still get so exhausted sometimes because i am the only one that really listens.
my friends will go on and on for hours with their lives and ask me for loads of advice.
i am so willing to help out, but when i need to talk, they are all of the sudden busy with something else.
they are great friends, but horrible listeners.
my family is the same way.
i seriously feel as if i have no one of my own to turn to when i need help.
anyways, i let him come over.
he said he would only stay for a couple of minutes to show me his new motorcycle.
he ended up staying five hours.
no joke, five hours talking about his problems.
i was so happy i could help; he told me that he can't talk about his problems with anyone else.
and that i was the only one that gave advice that makes any sense.
that meant so much to me to hear.
no one ever tells me that they appreciate my help really.
i mean, they will say thank you but they never really explain to me how much i have helped.
so when curtis expressed that to me i felt so, well, loved.
i felt a little bit of worth inside of me.
even though i was completely and utterly exhausted from helping him for five hours, i still enjoyed his company.
i hope that my advice really helped.
keep daydreaming to escape this life.


jessica said...

it's hard being the trustworthy and compassionate one all the time, isn't it ?

alexandra jane said...

oh yes, very exhausting. sigh