Saturday, May 23, 2009

the life of jane to this point is radiating with anticipation.

my friend chelsey and a jack ass girl who came along with her on our road trip down south for the day. :)
me mum bought this twenty year old garfield figurine thing. i love garfield so it made me laugh.
me and one of my best friends, perlita (her real name is perla but i call her perlita) trying on some cowboy hats at the mall. so not our style either. haha
when we left the mall yesterday the sunset was so pretty, i had to capture it with perlita.
me and perlita in my ghetto car. i looked drugged or something. ah well.
wow, this week has been very frustrating and difficult. my grandparents came into town a little over a week ago and i haven't been able to do hardly anything. they are nearing the end of their lives so my parents think i need to spend as much time with them as i can.
i completely understand that, but they came at the worst time possible.
i am graduating and it is the end of my last year of highschool. all these parties are going on nearly every night and i have been invited to almost every one. but unfortunately, like i stated before, i am not aloud to go to any of them. i am missing out on my final year of required school because my grandparents had to come down at this time.
i missed my senior dance and one of my best friend's birthday party. i was the only one that could not go.
finally, last night, me mum aloud me to go to the mall with my other best friend, perlita. my hell, i was so relieved to get out of the house and away from my family! as much as i love them, i love them even more at a distance. how depressing is that?
i suppose i should speak of my grandparents on a lighter subject because they really are the best grandfolks in the world. they would do anything for me and my family. yesterday afternoon, before i went with perlita, they took my whole family out to dinner to celebrate my graduation. they gave me two hundred dollars as a present. i had an assumption that they would give me some money but i didn't expect that much.
now i just have to decide what to spend it on.
i was thinking of using it to help pay for a newer car. i am going to need one when i move to my apartment in a couple of months. then i thought about using it to help buy a laptop. i am going to need a computer when i move away too because i got to be able to create posts! plus, i spend a lot of my free time reading other blogs and looking at photography. i also use a computer for my art.
anyways, so i got to think that through.
hey i am listening to a song by jem right now called "they". i like the song but the girl is so... blah. i love her voice and music but she has absolutely no life in her eyes. she has the same expresion in all of her videos. she is beautiful but has no passion.
what do you think? here are some video links:
so in a post a little while back, one of my fellow, sweet blogger friends, morning glory, asked me what my favorite memory was. the one that made me smile just thinking about it.
the first memory that came into my head was when me and perlita went to lava hot springs in idaho. i hate idaho with a passion but this place is heaven. it is a spring that is literally heated by lava that is right under the surface. it is not man-made or heated. it is all natural. well in the summer the springs are right next to a river and tourists are aloud to go tubing down it. the lava also heats the river so the water is nice and warm.
it is so much fun.
anyways, me and perlita went up there in the summertime to go tubing of course. my family knows of a waterfall that is up the river a little ways from where you are supposed to start. the waterfall is quite high and lands in a huge wide pool of water that tourists can swim in, if they know where it is of course. :)
well my older brother and poppa decided that they thought it would be fun to try and swim upstream, against the waterfall's current. boys will be boys right? haha while they were messing around near the waterfall, perlita, my younger sister, and i were swimming around in the shallower water near the lava rocks. i had the brilliant idea to jump off the rocks into the deeper water, which was near the falls. my sister was like, "have fun with that one." she seriously is no fun but perlita thought it might be an adventure so she jumped in. to our surprised eyes, perlita could not swim against the waterfall's current and started to drift away, bobbing her head up and down under the water. she started to scream so i dove in after her screaming myself. i do not know what i was thinking since i have no upperbody strength and had no idea how i would save her but i did it anyways. at least i was going to try. unbafflingly i could not swim against the strong current myself. we were both screaming trying to stay above the water and i glanced at my little sister on the shore, who was laughing.
her older sister is going to die and she is laughing.
then, get this, i started to laugh. i was drowning and drifting further away from shore and i was laughing. then perlita started laughing. there we were, getting dunked below the surface and possibly going to die together and we are screaming our asses off while laughing at the same time. my poppa and brother had no idea what was going on the whole time.
finally, when neither of us could breathe at all, our feet slammed against some rocks. frantically we stood on them and realized we had floated back to the shore. we were so wrapped up in our near-death laughing experience that we hadn't even noticed ourselves floating back to the rocks by my sister.
yeah, um, we felt ridiculous and stupid but we can not stop laughing about it to this day.
thank you MG for that question. i hope it made you and other's smile. :)
btw, readers, here is MG blog site. it is a treat so check it out:
well, i hope you all have a fantastic saturday and have some fun with friends.

kermit is dead.

the first celebrity swine-flu victim.
(we all know who the carrier was)
my older sister sent this to me in an email. i love making humor out of this swine flu thing. i mean, it is not funny by all means, but people are really making more of a big deal out of it than they should. more people die from regular flu than anyone has from pigs.
i know it has been a few days since i have posted and i appologize. i have to go to a breakfast thing this morning where they will be serving a lot of meat.
but i told everyone that i would bring the orange juice, ketchup, and salsa. i felt like i should help out a little.
so when i get back i will make a bigger update and let you in on some things that have happened to me.
i hope you all have a beautiful morning and your dreams last night were quite fanciful. :)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

tomorrow's sound.

everyone that reads my blog should know that i love jared leto.

he is so attractively handsome.

i have to also admit that i think some men look extremely sexy in eyeliner.

here is one of my most favorite music videos with him"

from yesterday

Monday, May 18, 2009

from one gal to another.

wow, i have been posting a lot today! ah well, i have a lot on my mind plus i don't have anything else to do since i do not feel good.
okay i am going to take a small risk. i was reading a blog today called the loveliest tragedy. the author is not apart of blogger but posts on

anyways, she requested that her readers ask questions so that they could learn more about her. i thought it was such a great idea, plus i really liked the questions that were asked.

so i have decided to answer some of the same questions. i am giving the loveliest tragedy full credit for all these questions so do not believe that i am stealing them.


1-What's the last major life-change you made?
the last major change in my life that i have made is working out again. being healthy is really important to me and i have not worked out in a very long time. my body is starting to feel it. i have already gained a few pounds. so by starting to work out again, i feel moer energetic and alive.

2-What's the most amazing thing about you?
hmm, the most amazing thing about me is probably the fact that i am still alive and that i have made it this far. having gone through many disorders, depression, anorexia, medication experimentation, hurting myself, and even trying to take my own life, i have seen hell and know what it is like to want to die. i am proud of myself that i was able to conquer all of my downfalls and believe in myself to cure my sadness and trials.

3-Do you have a birthmark?
yes, i happen to have a few. you can not really see them however. only if you were to look closely.

4-Who do you love that is special in your life?
someone i am so grateful for and wouldn't be alive still if he wasn't in my life would be my best friend j. i adore him and if he never let me lean on his shoulders when i couldn't move, i just do not know what would have happened. he accepts me for everything i am and not who i am not. he accepts my stubborness, my different and elaborate opinions, and he loves to debate with me just as much as i love debating with him.

5-Do you have any pets? If so, what kind?
yes i have two pets. i have one cat named hannah. she seriously believes she is the whole world and that everyone should bow to her. and i have a kick-ass gerbil named edward. and no, he is not named after the twilight boy. he just looks like an edward and bites everyone but me.

6-When have you laughed the hardest, tell us the story?
hmm, i can not really recall a specific time. i love laughing and do so often. i tend to laugh the most when i am with my closest friends because we all have inside jokes with each other.

7-What's your favorite color?
i like red, black, and purple.

8-Do you eat your popcorn with salt or butter or both?
i love a lot of butter and a little salt. i have to say that my favorite kind of popcorn is the kind you get at the movie theatre. i love it.

9-Do you color your hair?
i got my hair colored for the very first time about a month ago when i dyed it black, aburb-brown, and purple.

10-What's you religion?
i am christian.

11-Do you think that wearing bright pink patten heels in public is a GOOD idea?

sure, if the person likes to why not?

12-If you could live in any time in history, when would you choose and why?
oh this one is so easy for me. i would choose to live in the late 1700's to early 1800's. the time of jane austen. i have always adored the romanticism of living the way they did. and i also love the 70's. everything was so funky and fun back in that time.

13-Have you ever read any Harry Potter?
i have read some of them. but i think that seven books to make a point is just too long. i don't like them very much. the movies are even worse.

14-What is the biggest life lesson you learned?

forgiveness means that you have let go of the hope that the past will be different.

15-What is one thing that you wish everyone knew about you?

i am so much more than meets the eye. i just wish you would not judge me on first impression.

16-What's your favorite smell?
i really love the smell of the ocean and rain. i also love perfume. i can not get enough of it. and believe it or not, i am a big fan of the smell of pike place market in seattle. the salty air just gets to me.

17-What's the one thing you'd like to tell a newcomer to your blog before he/she starts reading it?
i just want people to know that i am nothing but a dreamer that loves musing and thinking about life. if you do not appreciate what i have to say then that is alright. we all have our opinions and i respect yours as well. i enjoy feedback. not because i am one that enjoys getting attention through blogging, but because i love other's views on things. i love opinions. so feel free to say anything you want.... as long as you do not be too mean. but i have never had a rude comment so far so i don't think i have to worry about that too much. haha

18-Who is your favorite author?
right now i am highly enjoying chuck palahniuk. he is a genius and so inventive. i also have always been a fan of jane austen and shakespeare.

19-What is your raisn d'etre' (your reason for existing)? How has this made you a better person and influenced the people around you?
it is funny, but i feel like the main reason i survive is to help other people with their existance. haha i know that sounds silly but it is true. i love giving advice.

20-If you could go somewhere..anywhere where would you go?
i want to go to the ocean right now. i miss it with a heartache.

21-How often would you LIKE to have sex?
i have to be honest. i have never had sex. i know, i am eighteen and a lot of people my age have already lost their virginity. but i am very, very protective of myself and do not want to give myself to just anyone. i do not see anything wrong with sex at all. in fact, i look forward to it. but when i am giving myself to someone i just want to know that i am not wasting anything. but as soon as i find that someone, i will want to have sex a lot.

22-What is your earliest memory? i can remember things clear back when i was two years old. i have a good memory when it comes to things that have happened. the first thing i remember was a dream i had. my family was living with bears. :)

23-What is your biggest pet peeve(s)?
i hate, hate, hate, immaturity. and i hate small-mindedness and people that are always happy. i wish people would know when to be serious.

24-What is your favorite body part, and why?
oh my, i have never really thought about a "favorite" body part before. i guess on a guy i really like hands if they are strong and big. you can do a lot of things with hands you know? ;)


okay so i would love it if anyone would ask me some more questions as well. i love answering questions. anything would do. and i thank the loveliest tragedy for the question ideas.


and the idea from this post from

i printed my heart on a piece of paper for you. please don't lose it.

i came home early from school because my allergies are overcrowding my mind so i can not think straight.
i haven't had allergies in four years.
and then they decide to just sprout from out of no where.
my older sister told me that sometimes there are plants we are allergic to that only bloom every few years or so.
she said maybe that is why i am reacting now.
because my "special allergic reactant plant" decided to spring up this year and cause my head to feel all dizzy and i can not breathe.
i am not sure if i believe my sister but that is all i got at the moment.
so right now i am just eating my poppa's homemade herb-and-sun-dried-tomato bread.
it is seriously heaven.
well keep on being your darling selves.
i got to write this shitty paper for my english class about "the biggest and hardest decision you have ever made".
what a joy.

she who wanders.

a while back i created a post about the lovely girl sandra nurmsalu from estonia. recently a sweet girl named lisa and an anonymous commenter informed me that she was from show/competition called "eurovision". this girl only came in sixth. that is bullshit. i looked up some of the other contestants that had been on there and none of them stole my heart like sandra did.
here you can watch the preformance yourself and get your own opinion:
and then here are the lyrics in english. i love these lyrics.
The Nomads (or wanderers)
In the desert heat the sand
Blows like ice-cold snow
Night soon unfurls her wings
Nothing but the wind to escort the nomads
It is the way they wander from one day to the next
It is the way they wander from one life to the next
It is the way it weaves an invisible path
Before them it waits until you are ready to take the risk
It conveys only frozen souls
The moonlight makes shadows of them
Warmth in a ray of sunlightIs what the morning brings once again
It is the way they wander from one day to the next
It is the way they wander from one life to the next
It is the way it weaves an invisible path
Before them it waits until you are ready to take the risk
They wander from one day to the next
They wander from one life to the next
It weaves an invisible pathIt waits until you are ready to take the risk
A voice echoes over the mountains up to the heavens
It is the way they wander from one day to the next
It is the way they wander from one life to the next
It is the way it weaves an invisible path
Before them it waits until you are ready to take the risk
It is the way
thank you to those who commented to help inform me of this adorable girl.
photo was found on google images.
keep daydreaming those faniciful thoughts. :)

it's my 100th birthday and no one's brought me cake... i guess this picture will have to do.
ladies and gentler ones, this is my 100th post and i must say that i am very proud of myself.
blogs are so much fun. i never used to really be into them. i mean, i have always thought that it would be cool to let the world know what i was musing about for that moment but i never really got around to doing it. then one day i was looking at photography and i came across a blog where i found many interesting things that caused me to want to start one as well. i am terribly sorry that i can not think of the blog that got me going. how awful is that? but it was last year and i have a horrid memory for names.
it is so incredible how much i have changed since i started my blog towards the end of '08. people around me have noticed my changes and behavior. i am not the same alexandra jane most people are used to. i have always been more mature for my age but in the past couple of months i have grown up even more. my friends and family have stated that i have become more gentler and kinder in my speaking to people, i have been taking even more responsibility for my actions and with being an adult.
my life has been a collection of many, many rollercoasters that seem to never stop twisting and turning, sending me on a stomach-churning ride. it has been good for me however and i am grateful for it because without the suffering, i would never have known what it was like to be happy. just when you think the dark could go on forever, the sun starts to peek out from the horizon.
i am really proud of myself. this blog had enabled me to write down my thoughts and feelings, muses, and addictions. i have never been one for journal or diary writing. it bores me i believe because with a diary, you can't get feedback! :)
i hope i can continue to write down as many fanciful dreams as i can.
photo link: