Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i can feel the pressure.

these days lately have been such a tiresome bore. i feel like i have been lying around my house eating m&m's and ravioli for weeks even though it has only been a few days. i think i have gained five pounds in the last week because i haven't been working out and eating me mum's pancakes with strawberries, sugar, and whipped creme.
i feel disgusting.
i went to "target" with me mates when we sluffed fourth period yesterday. they all tried on bikinis and looked absolutely fit and beautiful. i couldn't bring myself to show them the ones i tried on. i felt so ugly and out of shape. i need to stop eating so much and start working out again. i am a veggie so me mum keeps trying to shove meat down my throat saying it is blasphemous to not eat what God provided for me. um ok? i thought God gave us agency. and she says she follows God's standards. whatever.
i was not trying to say back there that i think i am overweight or something. i really don't believe that. i don't weigh much. but since i have gained five pounds i now weigh 110. i am skinny all over my body except for the section where summer demands you to look attractive: the stomach. eating nothing but junk food for the past few weeks results in a belly that is not appealing to me. i mean, i doubt anyone else in the world could give a shit about my stomach.
but i do.
i would rather have my whole body thicker as long as i had good healthy abs. i am not obsessed. i am just concerned about my health and body. i don't want to be a pole, i just want to be fit so when i look in the mirror i am satisfied.
seriously, my abs are the only thing i regret in my life right now. maybe i should revert to celary for awhile. haha
c'mon, i know every girl out there and maybe even some men, have felt this way.

i am so excited for summer and the things it will bring to my life! here is just a small little list of what i am looking forward to this coming up season:
1. i get to graduate highschool.
2. i get to move out.
3. i will be spending every moment i can with me boy mates.
4. swimming!
5. roadtrips are a must.
6. seattle and cali.
7. flowers and green everywhere.
8. the ocean.
9. cool grass.
10. drawing and painting outside.
11. going to college.
12. decorating my own place finally!
13. having a summer love.

what are you looking forward to?


Light and Writing said...

Love your list! Such an exciting time! I am determined to take a trip, learn something new, find a horse barn to work part-time at, and take more pictures!

alexandra jane said...

oh that sounds like such fun! i hope you get to do all of it! :)